Tagagamit Palakaibigan

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A Year's Passing

No move still

Just In Dreams

The light flickers wavering to rest

The sound fade in a swirl of rainbow melody

Black to white, the scenery seems to blur

The night is young but the mind wants to defer

The forces that be pull the soul into the depths

With a shuddering thud the eyes succumb into like death

Then stands in a disarray of pictures, that life seem to awaken

Trying to grasp what there is that in reality cannot happen

Searching for meaning in that never ending darkness

With a suffocating feeling when time ceased to pass

Then flashes that life which seems so alive

In an altering dimension where hopes reside

The hue blinds trying, wanting to deceive

The sight rushes the eyes wanting to believe

Then the world shakes and everything is put to stop

The mind chases in memory the scenes from bottom to top

The sights turn to blur and in a swirl pull back to light

The eyes slowly open in the passing of the night

Moonlite Crash

The darkness creeps into the waters

as the night passes through the sea.

The hushed rustling of the wind defers

as the tide of the spring nears.

All in the deep glittered with the beam

as the bright moon scattered to its brim.

Then vanished everything with the glare

the sea reflecting the moons nightmare.

In thousand words came midnight's stare

the mighty sea crumbling through the rocks

From black to white the tide collide

With what of fear the water lacks

The wind starts howling with the moon sublime

In glinting strokes of zenith a passing

time was ticking in the sea's uprise

on the day the moon comes anew turning.

With the wind and the might the sea came crashing

Trying to reach that which kept shining

In a glimpse of darkness it turned to white

On its sparkling tears it breaks through the night.

And before the hour the moon did fall,

the day came shining with the light appall

the sea came screaming in all delight

waiting for the darkness to creep tonight

Open End

It's apparent where the wind is blowing.

I never meant for it to end this way.

It sucks now that I feel that it should, that it would.

This can't be the end.

Not now, not today, not in any way.

But if it has to end, I'll accept it.

Just let all the grudges out,

And let it end knowing it didn't do so in bitterness

OK

It was rough

I tried to look tough
Never had it in me
so I tried to hide away
I kept it inside so I’d look OK
Said a few words
But I really never felt that way
The whole world tried to push me
Deep inside, I wanted it to stay
I wanted how the things were
When she never went away
But the feelings grew in me
And it tried to eat me, insane
Before I knew it,
I was killing my self slowly
Tearing myself to pieces,
It all made me empty
Now I’m jotting this words
By part by heart
It’s all I can do
To keep my head from frenzy
It’s all been a question in the past
A lingering issue
I thought would never last
Am I still sulking or
Have I moved on already?

And when I had the answer
all I felt was vague
Was I really over
or was I just playing tough
Was I dissatisfied
or did I have enough?
Did I feel low
knowing I had no control?
Did I want revenge
feeling I wasn’t loved at all?
I never knew what was coming
and I shunned the world away
I let it boil inside me
until it holed a way
The words clattered in my head
telling me things what not
There are things I could understand
and those which I cannot
And when my eyes were open
it suddenly dawned to me
I’m better off a friend
than what we used to be

Turmoil

"Gumulo ang buhay ko dahil sa'yo!" kanina pa ako binabagabag ng mga salitang yan.
"Gumulo ang buhay ko dahil sa'yo!" 'di ko alam kung dapat ko bang paniwalaan, pero parang gusto ko na rin. Ang tagal ko na dapat kasing naiwasan 'to, nalampasan, pero bakit ganun? Sa tuwing malapit ko nang makamit ang kalayaan, sa tuwing malapit na kitang makalimutan, laging gumagawa ang pagkakataon ng bagay upang bumalik ang lahat, upang lalo pang tumindi, upang mapalapit pa ako lalo sa'yo.

Ayaw kong isipin na ito'y tadhana. Lalo akong nahihirapan na maka-move on pag yun ang iniisip ko. Lalo akong umaasa. Bakit nga ba ako umaasa? Ilang beses mo na rin sinabi sa'kin na wala kang nararamdaman sa'kin, na ayaw mong magkaroon tayo ng emosyonal na relasyon . Pero bakit parin ako umaasa? Ganoon na siguro ako katanga, laging umaasa sa bagay na wala, laging naghihintay sa bagay na di darating, lagi na lang. Ito nga ba yung "pagmamahal" o "kahangalan" lang?

Gusto ko nang bumitaw. Pero alam ko na di ko pa nagagawa ang kaya kong gawin. May magagawa pa ako, ngunit walang pagkakataon, o di ko makita ang pagkakataon. Sawa na rin ako sa lumilipas na pagkakataon. Kung magkaroon lang sana ulit.


"Gumulo ang buhay ko dahil sa'yo!" Hindi, ayaw ko maniwala. Sumaya nga buhay ko dahil sa'yo. Kaya siguro ayaw ko pa sumuko. Kaya di pa ako maka-move on. Kaya ayaw ko pa mag-move on. Takte yan!

Mix Up

Left
We're now down to the last few days of the academic year and I'm still apparently hanging by a thin strand into surviving my fourth year in U.P. and my fifth year in college in general. I've gotten a bit lax as time passed and I'm feeling my last days of my U.P. life is about to end without having a grand conclusion to my college life as a whole. I've always been pessimistic during these times of the semester because honestly, I never did try to excel in my studies to a point that I never had a semester free of a failing grade for the past years. I'm a lax person. Then again, what has really bothered me is the fact that almost everyone in my generation(batch) is about to graduate and I'm already feeling tired hearing people about their excitement that in a few weeks' time, their college life would be over. I'm jealous of them. But then again, I have to struggle because sooner or later, with the way I live my life, I'd be the last one left. What a great way to start hell week!


Down
I feel lazy today. It's been one of my most unproductive days as an "enthusiastic" person. Yesterday, I was excited to go home because I know today had a task that I'd really enjoy. I really didn't plan on going home prior to yesterday because I know I have lots of things to do this weekend and I can't be bothered. But I had to sacrifice a bit so I'd be able to chauffeur my mom to and from the office. Asll I need then was just the proper tool. Turns out, the last minute deprived me of the proper tool.
I can't count the many times I've driven a manual transmission car without an instructor bugging my right ear. Then again, those instances were in the parking lot of the office when I had to move the car to let another get in or out the driveway, which by the way only required two gears: first and reverse. Driving a manual for more than those two gears was my kryptonite. I've only driven thus once so goodluck to me when my mom asked to drive the manual.
Actually, another car was available and joy of joys it's an automatic transmission. But my mom was afraid that I'd end up with an accident with it so she said we'd just commute to the office. Damn! What a wasted day! And I'm pissed! My spirits are at an all time low. I feel that my mom doesn't trust me. In her eyes, I'm always under my brother's shadow. Another great way to start hell week!

Up
In my many times riding the bus with anyone, only six people had me pumped up into talking with them for the whole trip. I prefer sleeping whenever I travel so, the person depriving me of sleep must really be interesting to get me into a conversation the whole trip.
Light beamed at me asking me to read something on my phone. It was the most interesting message I've received in months and the conversation that followed was even more unexpected. I can't say it's the happiest conversation I've ever had but it's one I'd never forget. A conversation with hushed voices in a noisy bus, that was a challenge! I'm really glad that I had that conversation. Now, that's a better way to start hell week!


Right
I was spilling beans out, a whole bunch of spoiled ones actually, but then you always tried to change the topic. I didn't get why you did that but I realized something. Problems come everyday. Some one can do something about, some none. The only thing one has to do is stand up and move on. Dwelling on the problem won't solve anything. Move on. Many things will come on the way. Walk tall. Live with no regrets. There's always light after the dark.
Bring it on hell week!!!!

BBS

Let's just end it with "I like(d) you" XD

The Chaos

He _____ her, she _____ another
He tries to _____ away and to _____ on.
But every time their paths ____, the ______ return.
Every time they _____, things ______ and he starts to _____ again.
Maybe its time he ________. Bid ________

Sundays Evenings Mornings

Pain
Last Sunday was a pain in my ass. Actually, it was a pain on my ankle. 2 cactus thorns got stuck on my foot when I accidentally stepped on a cactus which once towered our hideous garden. Since the thorns were on an uncomfortable-to-reach area, I had to ask my mom to remove them. The thorns got stuck deep that my mom had to scrape/cut some layers of my skin to remove them. Good thing my foot's skin is thick.

Disappointment
Today is a cars show day at Pasay City but we missed attending it. We were expecting guests for a cooking demonstration at lunch time and they missed it the last minute. If only we were informed earlier, we could have rescheduled the cooking demonstration so as to be able to attend the car show. What a waste. Good thing there was free food.

Regret
Last Friday, we celebrated the anniversary of one of my orgs.It was the same day as the National Convention at Baguio of another one of my orgs. I had to choose attending the former since I had committed to it first, I knew I'd enjoy on it more, and I'd spend on it less. But I really wanted to go to the latter since I also had to run some errands near where the Convention was held. But it has all been done and my only regret was that I lost the contest I joined in the anniversary celebration because I didn't prepare that much. Good thing there was booze after!

Boredom
After the anniversary celebration last friday, I and my good, smart, quiet, weird and new friends headed straight to one of the locally renown beer house(I'm not sure what to call it) near the vicinity. Because everybody missed everybody else, everyone else was talking. And since almost everyone was, soon after, under the influence of alcohol, stories were getting interesting and conversations were growing intense. I just listened though I got bored somewhere in between when my mouth ceased to spell out some words. Good thing I had something to play with.

Joy
The rest of the week's been a fun affair for me. One morning, I was helping a friend look for a place to move in to when we came upon this peculiar all-girls boarding house. We were having a tour on the said boarding house when a guy went out on one of the "many" rooms. A few moments after that a girl with a wide smile or a weird grin came out of the same room. Now that's an interesting all-girls boarding house!
Another morning, I was in one tambayan when i was supposed to be in class. I was late in class and since it was class policy that late comers shouldn't be allowed to enter the class room, I just called it a day and decided not to attend class, which I actually enjoyed doing specially in the past.
Another morning, I was off to go home with my good friend.
Good thing!

Random Stuff

Thoughts keep racing through my head as I ran through notifications on my different social net working accounts.

*****
Manny Pacquiao just won another title in boxing and I'm disappointed that I wasn't able to watch the live telecast because we aren't subscribed to any cable company, the delayed telecast because we were busy attending an exhibit at Pasay, and a replay because not one(or so I think) among the stations our T.V. antenna could receive did a telecast. I really want to see why people with access to the live telecast at the exhibit a while ago were shouting and cheering or jeering.

*****
We were arranging a rock pile in our fishpond for our pet turtle to rest on when i found out that one(or two) of 3 of my brother's newly bought fish had its(their) head(s)'s bitten of by another fish and I had to rescue,remove and relocate the other(last) one which already had two big carnivore-fish bite on its side; something similar to the slice my mom usually makes on a tilapia before she would fry it. I'm really hoping it could survive to grow big enough and have its revenge on the culprit.

*****
The reason we missed the Pacquiao-Cotto match was because we attended the Philconstruct expo, an exhibit of different construction materials for interior design, structural, and mining work. We went there because we were looking for cheap stuff my brother could add up to the lumber and hardware store my father is setting up for him. I felt a bit jealous and irritated because I actually planned that to be my business in the near future. But anyway, I'd be very glad for my brother to be a part of a business that would be in line with my dream profession. I'm really hoping for his success.

*****
At the exhibit, I fell in love. Fell in love with a truck, a ten wheeler dump truck! I dream that in the future, I'd have a ready-mix-cement plant, a fleet of dump trucks, and a hollow block factory. For now, grades and attitude pull me far from that dream. I need a personality change!

*****
I've been searching for a text book that, at the famous local bookstore, costs more than 10k. I've tried to search it on the internet and so far, the cheapest way I could procure it is if I know someone in Europe, who plans to go back to the Philippines in a week, and ask him to buy the book for me.

*****
Yesterday, one of my dad's office staff brought her daughter to work. As she was introducing her to me, I unconsciously over-smiled in a way my sister described as exaggeratedly cute. Talk about flirting.

*****
Last night, I had a weird dream. I liked the dream. Then again, the dream made me feel empty. I think, it's time I got serious with my life, and,,, my love life!(Ew. haha)

*****
A while ago, I was thinking of a song the title of which I do not know but the lyrics I slightly recall. When I was about to search for the song, I forgot the lyrics. Sigh.

*****
Last Thursday, we were at school waiting for some people when my good friend began teasing me on an account of a misinterpreted deed. I felt annoyed and didn't want to talk. Later that night, as we were drinking our lives to unconsciousness, this good friend of mine began crying into self destruction for a reason I can't really comprehend. I tried to comfort her. I'm still annoyed.

*****
Tomorrow is gonna be a new day for me. I can't wait for the new things to happen. Hopefully, there would be some to amuse me.

Ang boring na buhay ng taong nagngangalang ako

Matagalan mo kaya ito?

Maghapon lang kami sa bahay kanina. Ayaw nilang umalis dahil ayaw nilang gumastos. Gusto kong umalis dahil napakaboring nga naman sa bahay kunsaan kundi T.V. ang kausap ay ang Computer. Gusto ko sanang mamasyal. Bilang na ang mga araw na ako'y magiging malaya sa problema at mga responsibilidad kaya't habang maaga'y gusto kong gumala, lumibot, magliwaliw. Lalu na't minsan lamang sa isandaang taon nawawalan ng ginagawa ang lahat sa pamilya. Minsan lamang sa isanlibong taon yung dalawang araw magkasunod na walang gagawin, sa opisina man, sa bahay o sa skwelahan. At minsan lamang sa ilang libong taon yung magyayaya ako na mamasyal at lahat ay gustong sumama. Ako lang madalas.
Kaya't heto, maghapon na nanunuod ng T.V. o nagko-computer, o kumakain, o natutulog.
Magpahinga nalang daw muna kami sa bahay. Sabagay, ilang beses nga ba sa isang araw kung kami'y magpagod? magpuyat? magtrabaho? magaral? Magpahinga muna. Kulang pa siguro ang pahinga sa gabi. Magpahinga muna. Kulang pa siguro yung pahinga every 30 minutes sa trabaho. Hay nako!

Gusto kong mamasyal! Gusto kong lumibot! Gusto kong maglakbay. Kailan ba kasi ipinagbawal ang hindi pag-gastos sa tuwing may pupuntahan? Hay nako!

Nakadikit na ang mga puwit nila sa upuan,
ang mga likod nila sa kama,
ang mga mata nila sa T.V.
ang mga bibig nila sa kutsara

Dramadrama

Was it bad that when I tried to move on, I left you behind?
Was it good that when I tried to move on, I still felt the same?
Was it evil that as I was moving on, I was looking for someone new?
Was it?

S 4 C

Spacing out in my room as I think of things that could've been
As I reminisce the things that have gone
As I dream of a future as I see

As I wish of something that could be, maybe

Nothing is impossible if one would try
Nothing is unreachable if one would strive
Nothing would hold with a will that's strong,
No mountains, no valleys, no rivers, no time, no space

Brighten up the worsts of day.
Liven up in clouds of gray
Ablaze with passion, aflame with life
You

Smile at me
Smile with me
Smile!

Asar Lang

Sa tambayan, iniinterview ni Boy si Girl. May sumasabat na isa pang Girl.
Tahimik lang(Sa isip ko:"Shut Up!!"). Pero teka, bakit ako magko-comment? Di na tayo close di ba? (bitterness. haha) Tahimik lang ako. Patience... kundi baka sinapak na kita. Nasaktan pa sana ako ng matalim mong panga. Buti nalang!

Blues

Simple lang naman ang gusto ko

Ang makinig ka sa sinasabi ko

Simple lang naman ang gusto ko

Ang tuparin mo ang pinapangako mo

Simple lang naman ang gusto ko

Ang panindigan mo ang mga prinsipyo mo

Simple lang ang gusto ko

Ang isipin mo ang sarili mo

Simple lang naman ang gusto ko

Ang mahalin mo ang ginagawa mo

Simple lang naman ang gusto ko

Ang gawin mo ang lahat ng makakaya mo

Simple lang.

Lasing nanaman XP

Confused with what I feel and what I shouldn't, 

what I think and what I couldn't,

what I'd say and what I wouldn't.

Sigh. 

Bangag!

Huling El Bimbo

This is a delayed blog which I was supposed to post some weeks ago.

We were going back to the DMST complex from Q.C. Memorial Circle when my friend texted me. It was past 4 then when she asked me where I was. Right, tonight will be the Eraserheads concert and we're(me, Anj, Fergie and Carlo) gonna watch. Almost 2 hours before our scheduled departure and I'm still reluctant to come for some reasons. First, I'm really not into Eraserheads. Sure they're famous if not legendary, but I really can't convince my self why they should be. Second, I already want to go home to Pampanga. If it wasn't for Fergie who already bought the tickets 5 days ago, I wouldn,t have committed to coming. It's too late to back out so what the heck! A night with my good friends should be better than just idling on my bed at home(though i could really use some rest). After resting from the tiring CWTS training and cleaning up a bit, I went to Ipil residence hall to meet them all. After some time when we were complete, we went to the MRT station and headed to M.O.A. An hour's worth of travelling standing has made my leg's a bit sore so I felt relaxed (is this the right term?) when we got off the transit and were seated at the jeepney to the mall. Despite the daughter of mykatabi nakakandong sa paa ko, I was glad that I was now seated. By the time we arrived at the concert grounds (or field), all the good spots were already taken.(or so we thought) Because our money could only afford the general ad pass, we were positioned at the farthest space the enclosed field accommodated so we only depended on the LCD projections of the show. What we later realised was that the best spot to stay in on the space of the field allotted for us was the backmost part of the field where all the LCD projections were visible and all the air we wanted was available. No one had to push anyone so they could pass. No one had to stand on toes to see what the LCD showed. Everything was visible. The show actually started a few minutes before we found the spot so we missed some good parts from what was showed by the LCD projectors. Anyway, we were on a better part so we just enjoyed every bit.

The show started with an AVP featuring interviews with the band members care of MTV Philippines. Then came the start of the concert; something that of which failed to mesmerize me. The beginning was a bit lagging, lacking on impact that I thought “ito na ba yun?” disappointed. Soon, every band member was given a chance to sing. One thing I won’t forget is Marcus singing “Huwag Mo nang Itanong” in a reggae-like fashion. As the show went on, my disappointment was turning to admiration. I was beginning to get entranced by their music. After about ten songs, there was a break. I thought it should last about 15 minutes because shows usually don’t set long breaks especially when it’s getting a bit climactic. During the break, advertisements from the main sponsors were aired on the projectors. 15 minutes have passed; they’re still playing the advertisements. 20 minutes and the advertisements have been repeatedly played for more than 5 times. I was getting impatient and irritated at the advertisements because at that point, they were played for the nth time! Others got busy buying food and stuff while my friends were enjoying “carrying and picture taking” time which took my attention for one moment and eased me of my irritation. After a few more minutes, the show continued. At one point, Superproxy and Kaleidoscope World were sung in tribute of the late Francis M. who recently passed away. Chills ran through the back of my neck as Ely shouted “Francis! Francis! Francis!” and was enjoined by the crowd. After each song that followed the tribute, the feeling was becoming intense. The crowd was singing and the others were jumping. Soon, the show had to end, so for the grand finale, “Ang Huling El Bimbo”, probably their most famous song was sung. The energy was so high that I can’t accept that the show was to end. And to end everything, there was a fireworks display at the opposite end of the field. Everything was astig that I was wishing there would be another concert. The performers all have left the stage and we were getting out of the field and into the mall. Then we heard someone ask “bitin ba?” in the microphone. At first I thought it was a joke. Then I realized people were rushing back into the field as Ely announced they’d be singing three more “for the road”  We then just settled beside the stage as they sang their three last songs. People were again jumping and we could feel the intensity because the ground was literally shaking as if a magnitude 4 earthquake was occurring. Then, it was the end. We went to the mall to find a place to have our dinner though it was already around midnight. We chose Don Henrico’s because we all agree on pasta and pizza and we have always planned dining there and we thought it was the fastest, etc. To our disappointment, it took about 20 minutes for our drinks to be served and another ten minutes for our pasta and pizza. The biggest let down was that two of us ordered iced tea (mine bottomless) but they ran out of ice so our iced tea were just normal tea with a dash of honey and citrus. Sigh. Still, we were gracious for the meal. Soon it was time to go home. Past midnight and many people were waiting for the city buses heading to wherever they’re headed. We waited for a bus that was headed to Fairview. All the buses were full but we were lucky to be chanced by one that has just about ten passengers. We were seated! The ride from the mall to Philcoa took 40+ minutes. Everyone was drowsy and tired so we slept at the trip, but I tried to wake up every once in a while to make sure we haven’t gone past Philcoa. Upon arrival at our house, I didn't feel tired. It was I think 2:00am and I was planning to leave for Pampanga at 3:30 but for a friend who slept over, I stayed till she would be able to go back to her dorm. I think I was able to sleep for at least an hour and that was all the rest I needed to be able to go to the bus terminal for a bus ride home.

Looking back at what happened, I felt glad that I pushed myself to come to the concert. No rest could fill the energy I felt during and after the concert. 3 days and I was still mesmerized and in awe. Now, I’m really into Eraserheads and I could say that they’re LEGENDARY!

Blanko

Anung dapat kong gawin kung sa bawat araw ikaw ang _______

Kung sa bawat oras ikaw ang _____

Kung sa bawat tanung ko'y sagot mo'y _______

Kung sa bawat nakikita ka, buhay ko'y _______

Kung sa bawat kausap kita'y lagi na lang akong _______

At sa tuwing kapiling kita'y _______ ang nadarama.

Ano?